I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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