if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
