wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
