I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize