I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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