I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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