There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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