I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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