and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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