i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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