Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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