Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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