and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
