There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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