I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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