hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
