I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
