i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
