I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
