Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
