you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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