We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
