If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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