Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
