it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
