whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
