i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
