I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
