i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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