and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
