she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
