he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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