guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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