wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't tell me you're on acid again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
