I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
