i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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