Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
