We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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