i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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