Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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