I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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