Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
