I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
