i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
