There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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