So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
