Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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