i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
