glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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