Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
