Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
