...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
