Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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