I wish my penis had an off switch
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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