i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
