I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She's the barista slut.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
