This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
