I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
