I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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