he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
