you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
