good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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