Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
