She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
