He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
