we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
