i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
