Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
