Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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