his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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