it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
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