hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
