There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
